Week 10: My Takeaways

As we conclude our study of Dr. Gottman's book and Brother Goddard's book, I find myself contemplating the main ideas of each of these books. My biggest takeaway from Dr. Gottman's book, 'The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work' was that we can improve our relationships by turning towards, and thinking of, our spouses. My main takeaway from Brother Goddard's book, 'Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage' was that we need to turn towards the Savior to improve ourselves and our marriages. Both of these concepts go against what the world would tell us to do. The world (AKA Satan) wants us to think about ourselves. In fact, Elder Hafen teaches us about 3 wolves that can destroy a marriage. One of those wolves is excessive individualism. This wolf IS Satan's plan. He wants us to care so much about our own needs that we forget about our partner's needs and about the covenants we made with Heavenly Father. 

Dr. John Gottman describes the 7 principles for making marriage work.  They are:

1. Enhance your love maps. 

2. Nurture your fondness and admiration. 

3. Turn toward each other instead of away. 

4. Let your partner influence you. 

5. Solve your solvable problems. 

6. Overcome gridlock.  

7. Create shared meaning. 

I listed those to show that nowhere in his book does he emphasize individualism. Certainly there are things you need and want, and he doesn't say you need to sacrifice these things. But you can't have a happy, successful marriage without thinking of your spouse and their needs and working together to create a life that is yours together. 

Brother Goddard emphasizes the importance of turning to our Heavenly Father in our marriages. When we covenanted with our spouse, we also made a covenant with Him. The book, 'Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage' teaches us how to have a better marriage by making ourselves better. We need to look within and see how we can change. We can be forgiving and have charity. We can see the best in our spouse. We can only do this when we have faith and are willing to submit to our Heavenly Father's will. We can be changed by the Atonement. We can become more like our Savior. This will bless our marriage.

As I think about times in my marriage that have been miserable, I realize those are the times when I am focusing on myself. When my own individualism has become more important than being like my Savior, or thinking about my husband. When I reflect on the best times of my marriage, I think about our hard times. I think about how our trials have turned out to be blessings in our marriage. Those are the times when we truly turn to our Heavenly Father. It is when we've turned to each other and worked together to overcome obstacles.