Creating Emotional Bonds

D&C 64:33 "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."

Marriage is great! Creating a life and a family together is great! Is every day going to be rainbows and unicorns? No. How do we create a great life, a great marriage, and a great family? It truly is the small and simple things that can be the difference in a great marriage and a poor marriage.

I love that this scripture advises us to "be not weary in well-doing..."  When I think about doing well, I think about service. When I think about serving others, I think about turning away from my own needs for a while and focusing on someone else's needs. Or, in other words, turning toward someone else. Making a marriage great requires turning toward your spouse. 

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work John Gottman emphasizes turning toward your spouse as one of the Seven Principles. Turning toward each other is a way in which couples connect that builds trust. I think this completely connects to the scripture in my opening. Turning toward your spouse is a simple thing you can do each day that helps build the groundwork for something great. 

We need to be aware of our spouse's "bids" for attention. I think "bidding" is kind of fun. Sometimes I am stressed or just need a little attention, so I will lean my head into my husbands cheek. When I do this he kisses me on the forehead. We have just turned to each other and found a simple way to strengthen our bond. My husband's bids aren't quite as obvious as mine. His are more subtle, but I know that when he tells me about something tough he's going through at work, it's a bid. I am careful to put down whatever can be deemed as a distraction and look at him while he vents. I usually try to find a way to help him or solve his problem. John Gottman gives advice on how to handle a spouse that is angry or frustrated. He advises that you DON'T try to solve their problem, but that you just listen and always be on their side.

I tried this the other day when my husband was venting, and it was amazing how close I felt to him. I could tell his stress was melting away just by having someone on his side. 

I want to be vigilant about working to meet my husband's bids and to fill our "emotional bank". I know that the simple gestures (Turning toward) go a long way and truly are laying a groundwork for greatness in our marriage.