The Wolves of Marriage

Elder Hafen describes marriages three “wolves”. These wolves are just waiting to destroy your marriage. The three wolves are natural adversity, the wolf of your own imperfections, and excessive individualism. The one that I think is the most dangerous is excessive individualism.

Our society has become a very selfish society. I have seen many marriages dissolved over selfishness. Individuals that feel “their needs aren’t being met” seem quick to bolt. Whatever happened to putting the needs of others first? Satan is getting into our marriages by making us feel that our own needs and feelings are more important than the needs and feelings of others.

Money problems can arise from excessive individualism. Large purchases can be made, putting the couple into serious debt, all because one partner “wants it”. Intimacy issues can arise because of excessive individualism. Pornography usage being a HUGE symptom of excessive individualism. I can almost hear the arguments now, “well, you won’t be intimate with me, so I have to turn to pornography to satisfy MY needs.” These are all dangerous paths to go down in a marriage.

Lately I’ve been pondering on “self-care”. I feel our society today is all about “self-care”. I think this is fine to a certain extent, but I also feel it is a slippery slope. Yes, Heavenly Father wants us to take care of our bodies. Yes, we cannot take good care of others if we aren’t first taking care of ourselves (you know, the whole oxygen mask on an airplane spiel). I just feel that a lot of times excessive individualism is written off as “self-care”. A wife that chooses to go out with girlfriends instead of on a date with her husband, calling it “self-care” could become a dangerous habit. A mother that chooses to seclude herself in her room to take long baths and read instead of make dinner for her family, could become a dangerous habit. I am in no way insinuating that these things are bad, I just think they could BECOME bad if self-care becomes so individualized that families suffer.

I have heard that the best way to get yourself out of a funk, a bad mood, or depression is to go out and serve someone. This is becoming a lost value in our society. Instead of looking outside ourselves, we are continually bombarded with the message to “take care of yourself first”. I just feel that this message is beginning to be so widely accepted, that it is leading people down the path of excessive individualism and is harming families. I am going to strive really hard to try to look outside myself to see how I can help others the next time I am feeling the need to “self-care”. I’m betting it is more effective. 

Satan wants us to get wrapped up in ourselves and what “WE” need and want. He doesn’t want us to consider our spouse and children first. I think this is a message we’ve been slowly exposed to and we are becoming like the frog in the warm water that slowly gets turned up until it’s boiling. We can do better. We must do better.