The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse

Dr. John Gottman describes the “4 Horsemen of the Apocolypse” (ways to destroy a marriage) as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. When I think about these 4 horsemen, I can't help but also make the connection to the 3 Wolves of Marriage that Elder Hafen spoke of. In my opinion all four horsemen relate back to the wolf of individualism. 

1. Criticism: "a criticism is global and expresses negative feelings or opinions about the other's character or personality." This is Satan's way of making one person feel that their partner isn't good enough. He wants us to find the negative in our spouses. He wins if we focus on our spouse as the problem instead of focusing on the problem itself.
2. Contempt: “The second horseman arises from a sense of superiority over one’s partner.” This is classic individualism. It is hard to understand your partner’s feelings if you are only focused on yours. Contempt makes it so the only problem that matters is your own. Or worse, that your problem IS your spouse.
3. Defensiveness: “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.” There is no humility in being defensive. Satan doesn’t want you to look at yourself and how you could be contributing to a problem. He wants you to think everything is someone else’s fault. Again, an example of individualism.
4. Stonewalling: “The stonewaller acts as though he/she couldn’t care less about what you’re saying.” This is another display of individualism. Acting as if your partner isn’t speaking is very selfish. You are not valuing their input or feelings as valid.

As I think about these two concepts and their connections I can’t help but think how hard Satan is working to destroy our families. He knows the importance of eternal marriages and eternal families and will stop at nothing to make them crumble. As we come to understand how he attacks marriages, we can be better prepared to fortify ourselves against him. It is imperative to be conscientious about protecting our marriages and not letting these 4 horsemen creep in. I have become aware of these tactics in my own marriage. Satan wants me to yell at my husband and be critical of him when things go wrong. I have become more aware of how I am viewing him. I am careful to make sure I am not seeing him AS the problem. I think becoming aware of these signs can help us defeat the attacks from the adversary. 

Another way we can fortify ourselves is by keeping God in our marriages. As we each come closer to Him, we will become closer to each other. We will find the good in our spouses and work together to attack a problem and not our spouses. We will have true humility to see our own contribution to the problem.

Which of the 4 Horsemen do you think is the easiest trap to fall into?